oct 28 ramble

I have been feeling self-conscious because I told my cooking class about the blog and I'm embarrassed that someone might actually look at it.  Compared to normal people, I eat really weird.  This makes me think I'm weird and I tend to look down on myself at these times without asking why.  I was thinking, will people think I have an eating disorder?  Do I?   I happened to make one of my self-deprecating remarks out-loud in a conversation and it was then that I realized how self-critical I am.  I should be proud of myself, or at least happy with myself for becoming healthy through nutrition.  I'm reluctant to be proud of myself because I can't stand it when people feel superior about anything.  It is my biggest pet peeve (actually I have another biggest pet peeve which is women who pee on toilet seats!  these are such different pet peeves that it's hard to compare them.  but this is off-topic).   Anyway, so I can't be proud of myself, but I should be happy with myself.  Maybe I should be proud of myself in a non-superior way.  I think I'm proud of myself in a non-superior way for being vegan.  I'm still trying to figure out why it's easy for me to be vegan but more of a struggle to be a healthy eater in social situations.  I don't care what others think about my veganism.  I feel strongly about it and no one can make me eat animals.  With the healthy stuff I'm much more worried about not offending or rocking the boat.  oh well, I gotta get back to work.